I love my Job @ Hyderabad

I love my Job @ Hyderabad
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Friday, June 17, 2011

Love and Arranged Marriages

Hi Readers,

It is often said that Marriages are made in Heaven. True! But many of us do not understand the deep seeded meaning in this saying. Many generally comprehend it as a different flavour of the intended meaning that Marriages are pious and they are related to the religious and traditional aspects of the persons involved in it. But the intended meaning is that the establishment of the bond of Marriage between two persons is beyond human control and decision. What ever is beyond the comprehension and control of humans, generally it is put in the hands of the Almighty. True it is, as two persons who had never met each other before are now to spend the entirety of their life with each other, as a couple, taking part in each others happiness and sadness equally. Bearing a child, becoming parents and then seeing them getting married and find a new life. It is a full circle.

Right from the time when my mind had started to think logically and debating was one of the media for a full scale discussion to place the pros and cons of two sides of a topic, the debate of - "Which one is better, Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage" has been on the top. Now, we as teenagers used to jump at this exciting opportunity and Love being a strange and forbidden fruit, used to take the side of the same in terms of Marriage. There were a few under the "Arranged" Category, generally treated as the orthodox types. We used to cite the reasoning like Love marriage is the best as it brings two people in love and ready to accept each other for the rest of the life,  it can be the only way one should be married, and other naive ones. Little we knew as 13-14 year teenagers, what really is a marriage and how marriage been it had resulted by Love or Arrangement, has nothing to do with the life after. Somethings are to be understood with age. So thought we. We never did.

How Love Marriage happens? You are at the right place at the right time doing the right things. Then and there, you meet a person. You like the look and feel of that person. Someone initiates, you talk. You like that. Then you converse. Time goes on. First friendship and then soon sparks fly in the air between you both. You feel love and if the other person reciprocates the same feelings and behaviour, you both fall in love. So, till now what were the factors involved here: personal attributes, spoken items and time spent together in public domain. In the entire matter, there certainly is a factor of opportunity, chance, fate and ultimately destiny. Now if everything goes on fine in a complex society like we have here, it results in a Marriage.

How Arrange Marriage happens? You reach an appropriate age. Your parents start looking for alliances for a suitable groom or bride keeping in mind certain parameters like religion, caste, sub-caste, gotra, age, height, weight, education, family, parent's occupation, location, dowry(I strongly and publicly denounce this practice, but had to mention as it is one of the factors) etc.. You look for profiles via various media channels, Internet, newspapers and ,last but not the least, word of mouth. After a long haul you shortlist few of the profiles. You start communicating with the point of contacts. If everything goes fine a date is fixed for the engagement and then the marriage.

The dissimilarities end here.

In both the cases, the life after marriage traverses the same path. Living together after Marriage is a completely different ball game. Love generated between the couple, before or after the marriage has the same value and effect. Understanding, co-operation, compromises, standing by each other's decisions, tuning one's ego according to the spouse, sacrifices for the greater good for the life together, life's tough decisions: All these can only be encountered and experienced after the couple starts a new life and start living and sharing together. So a love which resulted in a marriage gives no guarantee of enduring all the above challenges better than the arrangement which caused two different people to combine as a couple. Also it can be said without contest that couples in a love marriage get a head start of a significant amount, as they knew and understood each other well before the marriage. But after a time span of cohabitation, couples belonging to both the kinds of Marriage reach a level ground.

There is a message for all the eligible bachelors and bachelorettes out there. If you have any inhibitions against a kind of Marriage, lose them! If you are confused as your mind and heart is biased towards a kind of marriage, then you must know that Marriage is something you can only know about when you are in it. For all those out there who were blessed by the Almighty and were destined to meet their love before their marriage, challenges and joys are in store for them in the married life to come. If you did not find your love, or you were not loved before Marriage, be confident, you will find the same joys and challenges with the person you will be arranged to get married with. The only thing which can lead you to happiness after marriage is the confidence and faith in your spouse, you generate.

I wish all the folks out there, getting married, in the process of getting married or already married, the best for the life to come!!

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