Love and Arranged Marriages

Hi Readers,

It is often said that Marriages are made in Heaven. True! But many of us do not understand the deep seeded meaning in this saying. Many generally comprehend it as a different flavour of the intended meaning that Marriages are pious and they are related to the religious and traditional aspects of the persons involved in it. But the intended meaning is that the establishment of the bond of Marriage between two persons is beyond human control and decision. What ever is beyond the comprehension and control of humans, generally it is put in the hands of the Almighty. True it is, as two persons who had never met each other before are now to spend the entirety of their life with each other, as a couple, taking part in each others happiness and sadness equally. Bearing a child, becoming parents and then seeing them getting married and find a new life. It is a full circle.

Right from the time when my mind had started to think logically and debating was one of the media for a full scale discussion to place the pros and cons of two sides of a topic, the debate of - "Which one is better, Love Marriage or Arranged Marriage" has been on the top. Now, we as teenagers used to jump at this exciting opportunity and Love being a strange and forbidden fruit, used to take the side of the same in terms of Marriage. There were a few under the "Arranged" Category, generally treated as the orthodox types. We used to cite the reasoning like Love marriage is the best as it brings two people in love and ready to accept each other for the rest of the life,  it can be the only way one should be married, and other naive ones. Little we knew as 13-14 year teenagers, what really is a marriage and how marriage been it had resulted by Love or Arrangement, has nothing to do with the life after. Somethings are to be understood with age. So thought we. We never did.

How Love Marriage happens? You are at the right place at the right time doing the right things. Then and there, you meet a person. You like the look and feel of that person. Someone initiates, you talk. You like that. Then you converse. Time goes on. First friendship and then soon sparks fly in the air between you both. You feel love and if the other person reciprocates the same feelings and behaviour, you both fall in love. So, till now what were the factors involved here: personal attributes, spoken items and time spent together in public domain. In the entire matter, there certainly is a factor of opportunity, chance, fate and ultimately destiny. Now if everything goes on fine in a complex society like we have here, it results in a Marriage.

How Arrange Marriage happens? You reach an appropriate age. Your parents start looking for alliances for a suitable groom or bride keeping in mind certain parameters like religion, caste, sub-caste, gotra, age, height, weight, education, family, parent's occupation, location, dowry(I strongly and publicly denounce this practice, but had to mention as it is one of the factors) etc.. You look for profiles via various media channels, Internet, newspapers and ,last but not the least, word of mouth. After a long haul you shortlist few of the profiles. You start communicating with the point of contacts. If everything goes fine a date is fixed for the engagement and then the marriage.

The dissimilarities end here.

In both the cases, the life after marriage traverses the same path. Living together after Marriage is a completely different ball game. Love generated between the couple, before or after the marriage has the same value and effect. Understanding, co-operation, compromises, standing by each other's decisions, tuning one's ego according to the spouse, sacrifices for the greater good for the life together, life's tough decisions: All these can only be encountered and experienced after the couple starts a new life and start living and sharing together. So a love which resulted in a marriage gives no guarantee of enduring all the above challenges better than the arrangement which caused two different people to combine as a couple. Also it can be said without contest that couples in a love marriage get a head start of a significant amount, as they knew and understood each other well before the marriage. But after a time span of cohabitation, couples belonging to both the kinds of Marriage reach a level ground.

There is a message for all the eligible bachelors and bachelorettes out there. If you have any inhibitions against a kind of Marriage, lose them! If you are confused as your mind and heart is biased towards a kind of marriage, then you must know that Marriage is something you can only know about when you are in it. For all those out there who were blessed by the Almighty and were destined to meet their love before their marriage, challenges and joys are in store for them in the married life to come. If you did not find your love, or you were not loved before Marriage, be confident, you will find the same joys and challenges with the person you will be arranged to get married with. The only thing which can lead you to happiness after marriage is the confidence and faith in your spouse, you generate.

I wish all the folks out there, getting married, in the process of getting married or already married, the best for the life to come!!

Waah Paan

I tend to overeat at Birthday parties, Marriages, Promotion Party or New Year Bashes and the likes. No doubt the best is there, that too prepaid. Nothing is free of cost in life. In the back of my mind, I have a weapon to counter the after-effects of the sins committed. I know it works with a blast and boom. Enters, Paan. No medicine is this delicious and tempting as is Paan. Green coloured, sweet smelling, shiny (silver foiled) and mouth watering, all at the same time. No shame, if you overeat this one too.

Paan is an Indian and South East Asian tradition of chewing betel leaf (Piper betle) with areca nut and slaked lime paste. Originally chewed as a palate cleanser, a breath freshener, and for digestive purposes. It is offered to guests and visitors as a sign of hospitality (after meals at both personal and social occasions) and at the beginning of social events. It has a symbolic value at ceremonies and cultural events in India and south-east Asia.

Paan has various forms and flavours. The most commonly found include:

Tobacco (tambaku paan): Betel leaf filled with powdered tobacco with spices. Never touched this one.

Areca nut (paan supari, paan masala or sada paan): Betel leaf filled with a mixture consisting of a coarsely ground or chopped areca nuts and other spices. Had once or twice due to acute need. I had to go to office the next day. No leaves left and then only this leaf can help.

Sweet (meetha paan): It is the most celebrated one by folks of all ages. Betel leaf with neither tobacco nor areca nuts. The filling is made up primarily of coconut, fruit preserves, rose petal preserve (gulkand) and various spices. Often, it is also served with a maraschino cherry.

Trento (olarno paan): Tastes like betel but has a minty after taste. Eaten along with fresh potatoes, it is served in most Indian restaurants. Never seen or heard till now, but life is a journey.

Being a Bengali by birth and origin, Paan is more special to me.

In the Bengali weddings the bride enters the marriage podium covering her face with two palm leaves. She will remove them at the auspicious time of exchange of first glances with the groom. All through the ceremony she will keep two whole betel nuts tucked in her cheeks. A tray full of well-decorated paan is an essential part of the wedding trousseau. Bengali grooms go to the house of bride carrying a betel nut cracker. These used to be made of silver, gold or brass and were exquisitely carved making them a collector’s delight today.

One of the Paan leaf variety is named after the erstwhile capital of India, Calcutta. Then there is another, the Bollywood promoted and supported Benarasi Paan. All the big superstars have endorsed it romantically and intellectually. First Mr Bacchan and then following him Mr SRK in the film Don.

Paan, though is of the colour Green, makes its presence felt with its association with the colour Red. If you have seen red stains on the wall or floor, behold , a Paan chewing intellectual is near by. To differentiate a Government Building from others, do not gaze at the Boards, but glance at the galleries and the walls. Paan has already stamped its authority and validation.

The skilled paan maker is known in North India as a paanwala. In some parts of northern India, paanwalas are also known as panwaris (or panwadis). Many people believe that their paanwala is the best, considering it an art that takes practice and expert touch. People are often possessive and proud towards their own and humble Paan ki Dukkaan. I reminisce a Govinda Song, one time favourite of mine, which goes like, “Neeche Paan ki Dukaan, Uper Gori ka Makaan”. Paan Shops are most of the times the place to be in the evenings. You can find Male members of the society paying a visit to these temples several times a day! These places are all in one shop for all needs. Be it cigarettes of any brand, Paan, Mouth fresheners, Paan Masala and many more things of desire and habit.

The thing I like the most is the PaanDaani. Do not confuse it with the spit basin. These ornamental pieces made of Silver are a thing to collect. They look royal and gives a classy look to the place. It may be because of its association with Kings and Nawabs of yore.

The preparation of a Paan is a spectacular event. I always am mesmerized by the rapid strokes of the Paanwaala on the canvas of the Green Leaf. Masterfully filling it with various colours and objects, while his hands show a superb show of resourcefulness picking the needful from all around him with unimaginable precision. The leaf is then folded in a special manner into a triangle, called 'Gilouree' and is ready to be eaten. On special occasions, the gilouree is wrapped in delicate silver leaf (vark). To serve, a silver pin is inserted to prevent the gilouree from unfolding, and placed inside a domed casket called 'Khaas-daan'.Some paan makers insert pointed end of clove to prevent the 'Gilouree' from unfolding. Alternatively, the gilouree is sometimes held together by a paper or foil folded into a funnel with the gilouree's pointed end inserted inside it. Nowadays the toothpicks are used.

The leaves are glossy and heart shaped. Thus the inspiration in the game of Cards where the so called “Hearts” is lovingly named Paan. Paan's association with Ladies is of historic importance. At one time paan served the purpose of lipstick. The pouting red lips of young women have been the theme of many folk songs as well as classical literature. While I write the previous line, I am imagining the same on the girl of my dreams.

Paan is often used for cooking. Meat is cooked wrapped in paan leaves and cooked. Other fillings like shrimps, shallots and peanuts are often used in South East Asia. Platters are decorated with paan leaves. I am sure going to overeat those too. And this way my journey with my mate Paan will go on. I will sign off with the lines, “Jab tak rahega samose me Aalluu, Khaane e bad ek hi iccha, Bhai, ek minute, ek Paan khaluu”

G.I.R.L.S:Giggling Indian Really Lovely Singles

Assumptions to be taken before reading the article below:

1. All the girls are assumed to be equally attractive, one quality of one girl balancing with the other quality of the other girl.

2. Reverend Dr. S. Ghosh of SSS Labs has dedicated his life for the study of girls, so please assume him to be the ultimate expert in this field and by heart the concepts below in the article.

3. The term girls is the acronym of the title of this thesis paper and not to be confused with the English word with the same spelling.

4. The concepts given in the article are to be applied in every case, irrespective of situation and medium between any two bodies.

5. All the experiments leading to the concepts mentioned below were performed in uncontrolled conditions.

Girls are the human beings who emit Electro-Magnetic Radiations (EMR) which attracts the material out of which the boys are created. Just siting or standing near one such human being makes you realize the physical concepts shortly to be discussed. In those situations the EMR passes through your body and magnetizes you. Sometimes you sweat, sometimes you feel uncomfortable and sometimes in their presence you lose control and start behaving in an erratic and irrational manner.

I am going to discuss some Concepts below which have revolutionized the the world of Physics and changed the way we used to look towards girls.

1. Concept of Distributive Radiation:

   When there are more that one boy in the vicinity of a girl, at T=0 sec, the EMR distributes equally but further the EMR distribution fluctuates proportional to the ratio of the force of repulsion between the boys.

   For example, when you are in such a scenario, you give a murderous glance at the other boy as if to forewarn him.

2. Concept of Radiation Transfer:

   When a boy who has been, just a while ago, in presence of a girl, feels the radiation still present in his brain, whose efficiency decreases proportional to the intensity of EMR of the girl.

   For example, when you see a girl on your way, in bus or a mall, her reminiscence remains in your mind.

3. Concept of Interference of Radiation:

   When a boy in ideal condition is performing an action or is part of a ongoing process and is then subjected to the presence of a girl, the boy faces a positive interference and the action or the process faces a negative interference by the EMR from the girl.

   From example, if you are engaged in a conversation with a friend and a girl passes by, you undergo a duration of mental inactivity due to surge in mental vibrations as a result of positive interference and the conversation process faces a negative interference.

4. Concept of Radioactivity:

   When an ideal non-radioactive boy is subjected to a girl at a distance and then the distance is increased to infinity then a radioactivity is generated in the mind of the boy which then emits radiations similar to the girl's in the form of thoughts about her and talks only about the girl. But if the girl who acts here as a radioactive agent is not subjected again for a long duration then the radioactivity reaches half life every next week but never reduces to Zero and regains its strength if she is at a finite distance again.

5. Concept of Resonance:

   When a ideal boy experiences the EMR from a girl and his body in turn starts reflecting the same and after T ranging from 2 secs to 10 secs detects that the EMR has doubled its initial intensity then the bodies of the boy and the girl are said to be in Radiation Resonance. Sometimes if this condition prolongs then it results in Love and then Love marriage. Thus we were able to find the scientific proof for Love and Love marriage.

P.S: Dr S. Ghosh from SSS Labs is due receiving Nobel prize in Physics for finding Scientific proof for Love and Love Marriages. His contribution in this field has helped solve many complexities in Love life of human beings. We are grateful to Dr for his humongous contribution. Thanks a lot Dr. Ghosh. He presently resides in GOA, India and enjoys his life teaching these concepts to the boys at the beach ;)